Impossible to replicate.

Scientists know that they can't claim to have discovered something unless they can replicate the experiment -- and apparently 60-70% of their findings actually can't be replicated.

Apparently the same is true for artists: we can't claim to have "finally found our style" unless we can replicate the experience. And so far -- in my ... what, 7+ years? of painting -- it's proven almost impossible to replicate the experience.

Today was no exception, though it may be the most spectacular fail I've had in a while -- although that may be just a function of the size of the canvas (it's quite large: 30x48). At any rate I could happily show you several paintings that I felt were extraordinarily successful over the years -- they have, I should add, very little in common with each other -- and I know without a doubt I was only ever able to slightly replicate a couple of those styles.

But it's still incredibly discouraging, however often it happens. And I'd like to think there might be something I could learn from this, but I'm stumped. I know the gesso I used was crap (I've run out of the good stuff so I'm using the Michaels variety, which does a lousy job of covering and doesn't provide a particularly paint-worthy surface). And over-thinking became an issue right away: I had decided to use green, and from that moment I suspect I was doomed: I don't usually paint with green, and so I found myself looking outside for composition inspiration and settled on what I could see of the trees through the skylight in my studio.

But I didn't really like the greens I had on hand, so they got kind of muddy, and then I didn't really like the blue I had chosen either, so I tried adding white, and then I was going to add black but it seemed too dark, so I did gold instead, but it NEEDED dark, so I threw on some black and... oy. What a mess. ... and this is the result of literally hours in the studio; I've been up since before 5 am, and in here for most of the day. It sucks.

That said -- is it really a bad day when you get to play with paint?

And I do still believe I'm onto something. But I suspect until I get some decent gesso I'll be better off playing on fresh canvas. Although after today I'm reluctant to play at all! And of course some part of me wants to go have a bowl of chocolate ice cream to cheer myself up.

Adventures in quarantine folks: it's not all pretty. I'm hoping the bad days are no easier to replicate than the good ones...